I think I might actually be in love with you. I know it’s wrong, you being computer-animated and all, but I just can’t help myself. In my defense, the animation in your world is pretty realistic. Except for the noses, but those were mostly weird on the supporting characters. In fact you look even more ridiculously charming and handsome next to all the other funny-looking folks, like Captain Haddock with his bulbous nose and cartoonishly chubby body.
I have to thank Steven Spielberg for introducing me to you in person, because I have to admit, when I saw you drawn on paper I didn’t think of Hergé’s button-eyed little dude with the baby-like tuft of yellow hair as attractive. In fact when I first saw the trailer for your movie I scoffed, because I thought, “Tintin can’t be that realistic!” What I must have really subconsciously been thinking was “Tintin can’t be hot!” Because real talk, you are hot. I’ll confess, I spent most of the movie staring at you. I don’t know what it is. You just have such a boyish charm. I love the flush to your skin, like a white boy who’s outside having adventures a bit too often. I love your little gash of a mouth and its crooked smile. I love your suave mystery-solving trenchcoat. I love your gingery-blond hair, and I even love your signature tuft. Out here in the non-animated world, I have a thing for guys with fauxhawks. True story.
I think, though, this crush goes way beyond looks. You travel the world having adventures and fearlessly chasing mysteries like a badass. I’m not sure whether I want to be you or date you. The fact that you’re so young and innocent-looking only makes your antics more adorable. When your eyebrows furrow together and your piercing blue eyes narrow, because you’re thinking about a clue, I almost swoon. And damn, you can throw a punch.
Besides, I have a thing for French-speaking guys. (Not French, because I know that you’re Belgian!) See, I get you. When you and Haddock were escaping from the ship, the friend I was sitting next to griped, “Why didn’t he grab the machine gun?!?” I knew why – because you’re just a revolver kind of guy. Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely dug your English accent, but rest assured that I’m used to following your adventures in your native tongue. I know that his name is Milou, not Snowy. I think “Rackham le Rouge” sounds more epic than “Red Rackham”. And I get why Dupont & Dupond is funnier than Thompson & Thomson. (In fact more than most, since being a native English speaker who was turturously subjected to French spelling for four years, I have a special soft spot for humor about dumb silent letters.)
Tintin, let’s keep it real here: if you existed I might even have a chance with you, because it’s very possible you’re gay. Why are there never any girlfriend subplots in any of your comic strips? Not even any sexualized girls – no femme fatales, no cute love interests, no nothing? In your adventures there’s no time for girls, and even though I spent most of “Raiders of the Lost Ark” wishing for Marion and Indy to realize they’re meant for each other, I totally respect that.
So the point is: I could be that girl. Well, boy. I could be a totally awesome sidekick/buttbuddy. Together we could forge a totally new hegemonic standard for the romantic dynamic of an adventure-solving group of main characters. I want to be clear, this is not lust, this is a crush. Activities I want to do with you include cuddling, solving mysteries, hugging, co-authoring newspaper articles, going to the park, and maybe flying planes or hitting up the shooting range. Kissing is near the top of a fairly long list, but I won’t even mention anything more sexual until I get a glimpse of you shirtless. Not that I’m pulling for that, or anything. I could follow you through ten more cinematic adventures clad in your usual polo/sweater vest (no offense, but further proof that you’re gay), and my crush on you would stay strong.
I know you’re not real, but I’ll keep you alive in my heart. If you’re ever in my neighborhood, look me up – I wrote for a newspaper once; I could be useful on your adventures! Until then, stay awesome. And if you’re sleeping with Captain Haddock, don’t tell me. Yeauch. May as well just break my heart into a million pieces like the wreck of the Unicorn.
Saperlipopette in Sunnyvale
- livingthroughpictures05 likes this
- fluttersly likes this
- shaedoe likes this
- yourtwodads likes this
- vai-russ likes this
- petit-bambi likes this
- henryclervall reblogged this from medacris
- sailorscoot reblogged this from medacris
- medacris reblogged this from xxthesmittenkittenxx
- thegirlwiththeredbow reblogged this from terryuiu and added:
- overjet likes this
- brassassin reblogged this from xxthesmittenkittenxx and added:
I just wanna pinch his cheeks and take ‘im home!
- xxthesmittenkittenxx reblogged this from terryuiu and added:
- xxthesmittenkittenxx likes this
- lady-badass reblogged this from terryuiu
- zelfa11 reblogged this from babyfaced-assassin and added:
HIS SMILE JUST EEEEEEEEE~
- zelfa11 likes this
- kohlsmearedeyes likes this
- rainbowsandscholarship likes this
- chanyeowassuuup likes this
- vic-lo likes this
- thegirlwiththeredbow likes this
- wheretherainisfalling likes this
- noniekiran likes this
- portmanteauverload reblogged this from thewholebenchilada and added:
I want to have his babies so hard. Seriously, eligible males take note - all I need is the word “reporter”, a sexy...
- buildaballroom likes this
- lily-maidofvictoria likes this
- jollyoldbore likes this
- yancybecket reblogged this from kickingconcrete
- fouineur reblogged this from kickingconcrete
- mooncosmicpowermakeup reblogged this from kickingconcrete
- wompi likes this
- sap-and-sense reblogged this from kickingconcrete
- doobird likes this
- greatsnakescaptain reblogged this from kickingconcrete and added:
- angelshizuka reblogged this from kickingconcrete
- angelshizuka likes this
- babyfaced-assassin reblogged this from terryuiu
- terryuiu likes this
- lesliecrusher likes this
- lostnaif likes this
- frodolph reblogged this from colonelchansan and added:
- frodolph likes this
- colonelchansan reblogged this from kickingconcrete and added:
ahjsgjahksdajkldalj; babby ;3;
- wandergnome likes this
- princeresentment likes this
- kickingconcrete posted this